A Very Slow Start



Those who know me, know that this journey was not a short one. In fact, it has been a long road filled with many challenges and disappointments.  This journey also did not start early as one would suppose, although I had the call early on in my life. Like so many in this world I abandoned my dreams because of a lack of Fathership.  Not because I had no father, and not because he did not provide all the physical comforts of home. Rather because he did not father me due to his own brokenness.  I was late a starter and this dream reignited in my mid-twenties when I finally decided to be real with what I really wanted. Before this the enemy also tried to derail it many times and he almost succeeded.

It has been 15 years now since that time and I remember one thing clearly. I wanted the process to be quick. If I am being honest, I did not want it to be a thorough, lengthy process, three years at most.  I was twenty five years old sitting in Israel when I realised I did not want to be a software programmer for the rest of my life. A death like state awakened in my soul when I thought of the idea that at 40 I would be sitting behind a laptop writing code. Did I hate being programmer? Did I think programming was a boring job? Only if you are not called to it. I was living a shell of a life trying to impress my father whose void I could not fill and whose validation I would not get unless he was healed and validated himself.

They say “hind sight” is a prefect science and looking back at it now I should have stayed in Israel, not gone back to South Africa and certainly not have gone back to my old job. Such is life. Broken people make broken choices, but God is not surprised or undone by our choices. He finds a way to get us back to the dream He has for us.

So I went back to South Africa after volunteering for three months in Israel. I shared my new found revelation with my mom and her advice was to move forward. My father’s advice was to go and ask for my old  job back. One path led back to what I was trying to get out of and the other was filled with risk and uncertainty.  I did not take my mother’s advice and I did not take the risk for my dream. It cost me two years before I realised that I have had enough. I  made a costly mistake. I lamented over that for the next year.

So what does this mean? In part I was a late bloomer and some of you will be too. But there is hope if you are. When I was 27 I got the call, all be it a recall to my destiny in God. It was not a big movie moment but it was a small  life changing event which I will share with you in the next article. When you follow the destiny God has placed in your heart there will always be an element of risk and it will have moments of uncertainty but when we hear the call we must answer. People’s lives depend on it. Your impact is going to be that big. I believe true worship is the path walked out that God has laid out for us and paid for by his son Yeshua on the Cross of Calvary.